This was by far the best episode of the season! We have a dead body, objects being thrown at people, bribery, awesome hair, and a hot make out session—PLL is totally back in business!!!
We begin this episode with the girls staring at Ian’s suicide note/confession to Ali’s murder on Emily’s i-pad. I want to feel jealous of the i-pad, but I am too busy feeling coveting Aria’s hair, which is looking amazing today, good job, Aria! Jenna’s cop boyfriend comes by the school to tell the girls that Ian had been dead for a week, and they quickly deduce that Ian didn’t send those text messages to Melissa. The rest of the girls are ready to let this go, but Emily is not done playing detective. Luckily, A knows the right girl to pick on, as she sends Em a text, “Hey Em. Is it just me? Or does that suicide note look familiar?” I’m really surprised that Em doesn’t have A’s cell number saved in her phone. Does A text from a different number every time or is Em just too lazy to save it?
Spencer’s parents would rather throw Ian’s body off a cliff than give him a funeral, but Spencer votes otherwise because she knows how much it would mean to Melissa. Meanwhile, Hanna’s mom interrupts a potential Hanna/Caleb make out
session by freaking out because she couldn’t reach Hanna. They have a very touching scene about how scared Hanna’s mom is of losing her and it is clear that Laura Leighton has not had botox for a while because she is emoting with her face, aka showing wrinkles, aka acting well. This scene easily makes her the best actress out of the other moms, but I might be biased because of my Hanna love (also, slim pickings!).
Aria and Ezra are hanging out in his office while Aria recounts finding Ian’s body. Ezra comforts Aria by rubbing her thighs. Weird, that’s how I comfort my friends too! Jackie almost walks in on them and looks like she wants to vomit, but she holds back and instead tells Ezra the psych department doesn’t need his lecture hall anymore. Aria gets all pissy that Ezra still isn’t introducing Aria as his girlfriend. I cannot believe that Aria is so oblivious to social norms that she thinks people will be ok with her minor corrupting boyfriend. I really hate this story line and can’t wait for Jackie to blow the whistle on them. Meanwhile, Em signs for a package and realizes the guy that works at the package center is Logan Reed, aka the guy they caught when they were trying to blackmail Ian.
Spencer’s mom tries to pretend like she didn’t spend the past season and a half hating Spencer. She very sincerely apologizes to Spencer and Spencer tearfully accepts her apology. Does this mean that the therapy is off? In other news, Aria answers her door, only to find Jason turning Mike over to Aria for trying to break into Jason’s house. She thanks Jason for not calling the police and they have this weird awkward pause where they both just stare at each other. Apparently Jason went to the Toby school of acting, as he is a creepy stare-r.
While the other girls seem happy to move on, Detective Emily is on the case! Either that or she is making a scrapbook for A. She shows the girls that the suicide note is a cutting and pasting of random texts from A, but the girls don’t want to hear about it. Em confronts Logan Reed and discovers that a woman (NOT Ian!) hired him…DUN DUN DUN! Aria confronts her brother and he confesses to breaking into Spencer and Emily’s house, along with a whole slew of other people. He doesn’t tell her why, but promises that he will stop if she doesn’t tell on him. I think that Aria should have used her detective skills a long time ago to figure out what Mike is up to, rather than sexing her teacher, but that is just me.
It is worth mentioning that Aria is wearing a puffy sleeved green and black striped shirt tucked into high waisted office pants. Yes, it looks as WTF as it sounds. My girl Hanna has better fashion sense, if poor decorum. She tries to get away with wearing a red hot Herve Leger bandage dress to Ian’s funeral that basically looks like a sorority girl’s Halloween costume (just add horns!) and her mom correctly shoots her down.
We finally make it to Ian’s funeral and the girls look a HOT MESS. To be fair, Emily’s outfit is the least offensive here and Aria only forgot to brush her hair again. It’s really Spencer and Hanna who take the cake—Spencer is wearing one of those weird ribbon chokers that just make me feel like her head might fall off if she pulls the ribbon off, while Hanna is going for British vamp with her mini netted hat and exposed boobies. Detective Em tries to get Spencer involved in the case again, but she resists, telling Em that Ali is dead and nothing they do will bring her back. Ezra comes as Aria’s date, but her parents intercept him and he sits with them instead of her. Em tells Jenna’s cop bf what she learned from Logan, and he promises to look into it, which means calling Jenna and bribing Logan to leave town. Em should work on her detective skills! The funeral scene is actually beautifully shot for a show like PLL and Trent Dabb’s song Turn Our Eyes Away plays in the background while the girls throw the dirt on the coffin and wipe their hands clean.
Aria and Ezra have a stupid fight about not taking fast enough steps to announcing their stupid relationship. Ezra tells her he’ll call her later, but he does not sound promising. Hanna is inexplicably back at school and has a showdown with Caleb’s foster mom, telling her that her mom works for “Doce Gabbanna & Lichtenstein” and will go all “Erin Brokovich” on her. Caleb’s foster mom apparently buys it and Hanna smiles triumphantly. I am very nervous about this!
Aria and Jason have a heart to heart, where Jason confesses to blacking out the night that Ali died. He says that the next day, he was way hung over and had a note in his pocket: “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.” Now that Ian has confessed, Jason is relieved to know he didn’t drunkenly kill Ali. As easy as it would be to believe that Jason killed Ali, it just doesn’t make sense and I think he is being too hard on himself. How does someone who is black out drunk hide a body so well that it takes the police one year to find it? Could an intoxicated person really not leave any evidence behind??? As stupid/crooked as the Rosewood cops are, I’m pretty sure that they would be able to find something that would link Jason to Ali’s murder if he had done it while drunk.
Spencer and Melissa almost have a heart to heart and Melissa is about to spill the beans on a MAJOR secret, but not before Ian’s cell phone rings in Spencer’s purse. While we know that A stuck it in there while Spencer was checking out a decomposing Ian, Melissa just thinks that Spencer was tormenting her with text messages. She gets fantastically angry, smashes Ian’s phone, and vows to NEVER TO FORGIVE HER. Wow hormones! I can’t really blame her for this one, Spencer looks pretty guilty.
Caleb swings buy Hanna’s house with food to thank her for her showdown with his foster mom. She pretends not to be into Caleb, but their chemistry is irresistible and she can’t fight the moonlight (aka they make out!). That sound you hear is me cheering. Hoorah!!! Meanwhile, Detective Em is putting together the map she got from the package center and the program from Ian and discovers a message from A. The girls all meet to figure out what the hell A wants and apparently, it is to watch home movies in the cemetery. The video of Ali and Ian is projected on an above ground grave, only this time it’s the director’s cut and Ali is clearly alive when they are done hooking up. The girls can’t figure out where the projection is coming from and I will blame this on their being transfixed by the movie, because otherwise, they are really dumb. We see a mystery person (maybe Aria’s brother??!?!) dressed in all black leaving the cemetery, and the episode ends. Next week promises to have fashion and crazy hair, so you know I am excited already!!!!