Nothing makes me happier than Caleb in the flashbacks!!! We open with Spencer wearing a sassy all black outfit, looking like she wants to rob the sketchy pawn shop rather than claim her sister’s wedding ring. The pawn shop guy tells Spencer she can have her horseshoe back and she gives him the same face that I made when I saw Aria’s outfit. Aria is inexplicably dressed as a hobo, complete with dirt smudges, bandana around her head and unbrushed hair. Spencer tries to get the pawnshop guy to give her back Melissa’s ring, but he continues to play dumb. The girls get a text from A, “Just my luck, diamonds are a girl’s best friend,” and Spencer is pissed. I think this is the one time where “if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it” doesn’t apply.
Aria is all cool about her mother taking over her English class, even though I would be freaking out. Bombshells like that should not be dropped before noon. Melissa continues to be a mean sister and potentially harboring a fugitive, while Emily feels guilty about lying about the scholarship and Hanna’s mom makes her go to therapy after school. Not sure how colleges will feel about that afterschool activity! Aria’s mom tries to psych her out at school with a “BIG SECRET” but really she just wants Aria to give her brother his keys. This boring storyline can be summed up in two words: brothers suck. Hanna is wearing a bizarre sparkly, day-glow Mondrian t-shirt but I don’t care because she is talking to Caleb again!!! They conspire to make Lucas an eligible bachelor and act as wingpeople during Lucas’s date with Danielle.
Spencer surprises Wren at his hospital in Philly and they have an intense conversation in the hallway. Apparently Wren has been helping Melissa play nurse to Ian because he feels so guilty about how his relationship with Melissa ended. Wren won’t help Spencer, even though he is clearly still into her. What is up with this corruption of minors epidemic in Rosewood??? Maybe Spencer, Aria, Ezra and Wren can go on a double date to jail.
Hanna refuses to role play with her therapist. This is supposed to be a big deal, but I am too distracted by the montage of sweaty boys playing basketball. ABC Family, how do you know exactly what I want to see on my TV?!?! Aria tries to find her brother, but gets distracted by Jason, in all of his naked chest glory. OH MY GOD so pretty AND he likes Aria’s style. If he wasn’t a potential psycho path, I could totally get behind a make out session for them. After some angsty back and forth, Emily confesses to Samarah that the Danby letter is fake. Samarah finagles her way into dinner at Emily’s house because Emily’s mom is totally down with the gays now. Emily ruins this sweet moment by continuing to feel guilty about the scholarship letter.
Spencer is freaking out because she found a packed suitcase containing Melissa and Ian’s belongings, so she knows Ian is on the move. Meanwhile, Hanna is playing hostess for Lucas and Danielle’s date, but Danielle is convinced that Hanna is so into Lucas. She is so wrong because Hanna and Caleb are totes MTB (meant to be). Meanwhile, Samarah charms Emily’s mom with her glue gun stories and Emily’s mom is totally smitten. Emily almost confesses to forging the letter, but Samarah helps her out by saying Emily has to play hard to get with the swim scouts, so her mom shouldn’t call Danby. She is one smooth operator.
Unlike Samarah, Lucas is the opposite of cool almost has a mini melt down because he is convinced he is too big of a loser to date Danielle. I can’t feel too sad for Lucas because I know he is going to go to a smart college where girls will like nerds and he will forget he was ever geeky.
Luckily Hanna lives in the moment and she lets Caleb put his arm around her so Danielle can get the picture. She immediately takes this as a sign to grab Lucas’s hand and his tiny heart probably explodes into a million pieces. Hanna and Caleb wave good bye to them and almost look like doting parents, they fit so well together. I almost expect Hanna to whip out her digital camera and take a picture of Lucas’s first date.
Lucas thanks her the next day and reminds Hanna that she is actually a good person now. Hanna is so surprised and touched; I just want to give her a hug, she is my favorite! She heads off to therapy and role plays breaking up with Alison, only Alison actually shows up for part of it. UGH please don’t make Hanna a schizophrenic, I love her!!!
Samarah checks in with Emily at school because Emily hasn’t responded to her phone calls. This totally screams stage five clinger to me, but Emily seems into it. The girls’ therapist arrives to her office, but it’s totally trashed, complete with a note from A. Bummer! Meanwhile, Wren gives Spencer the heads up about Ian’s whereabouts and our fiercesome foursome is on the case, ready to track Ian down! They arrive at creepy abandoned farm house and watch Melissa and Wren go inside. They are actually the worst spies ever, as they slam the car doors, stomp around in the forest and don’t even whisper. When Melissa starts screaming, they run after her and find a dead Ian (finally!) in what appears to be a suicide. He leaves behind a suicide note confession to Ali’s murder but the camera pans up to the outline of a horseshoe, one that almost certainly matches the horseshoe in Spencer’s purse, and we know that Ian was probs murdered too. I want to be happy that Ian is gone, but I know this means Melissa is going to be queen pouty. I’m also shocked that the episode title had a reference to being “blind” but there was no Jenna in it.