Spring is here! Well, at least in theory it is. Depending on where you live (at least in the US) it’s either too hot for or too cold for Spring (like us up here in NYC! It’s 35 degrees today!). But while the weather outside may be… temperamental, the date on the calendar still says it’s Springtime and that means it’s time for Spring cleaning! See what our authors said they’ll be tossing this year… or not.
Fiona Paul, Venom
I’m an eco-girl so I reuse everything, but I’ll be donating…
1. Pretty much every article of clothing picked out for me by my mother. Tube tops? Hairy sweaters? Were these things ever in style?
2. A slew of 90% cocoa Lindt chocolate bars I received as a present. 580 calories and 55 grams of fat for something that tastes like black coffee. How is that even possible?
3. Several pairs of obscenely pointy high heels, because I just had foot surgery and it was not fun. Also because I’ve decided women who walk around in pain all day just so they can look good are either insecure or masochistic…possibly both.
Ellie Rollins, ZIP
I’ll be tossing out…
1. My boot cut jeans. Sadly I don’t think they’re coming back in style any time soon. Its skinnies for me from now on.
2. All boots, scarves and ugly puffy jackets are going in storage. I don’t care that it snowed just last week, it’s spring, baby!
3. My Seattle phone number. As much as I miss that 206 area code, I guess I am a New Yorker now.
M.E. Castle, Popular Clone
I’ll be parting with…
1. Stacks and stacks of notebooks and loose notes from old classes. I’m going to make a concerted effort to sift through these for the .000001% that I will ever, ever read again, and maybe torch the rest in a May Day bonfire.
2. Articles of old clothing, half-disintegrated. I know I’ve got at least one or two things that are in severe need of tossing. And I’m going to toss them.
3. Little hairs that grow on my face. Every one to three days, I shall clean them off with a bladed implement of some sort. Actually, I already do this, but I figure it’s a good habit to keep up.
Lauren Morrill, Meant To Be
I will be getting rid of…
1. The cheese in the back of my fridge that I think is growing more cheese … or tiny alien people.
2. My 30+ pairs of roller derby tights that are all filled with holes in the…ahem, butt area.
3. My hopes and dreams that it will ever be warm in Boston again.
Elizabeth Miles, Fury
A recent shift to co-habitation forced me to be ruthless about my early-spring cleaning. Among other things, I got rid of (or donated)…
1. A VCR. Now I just have to find a way to part with all my VHS tapes (including the six-volume set of Pride and Prejudice [BBC version, of course] that Lauren and I used to watch on snow days!)… [Ed note: DON’T DO IT, ELIZABETH!!! -Lauren]
2. Red corduroy pants. Maybe someone can pull them off, but that person is not me.
3. Parsnips from the vegetable crisper. They looked more like petrified wooden witch fingers.
4. My cumbersome futon—replaced with my first real adult-life couch! It’s a sleeper!
Kate Ellison, Butterfly Clues
I don’t throw anything away, ever. But if I were going to pretend I might throw things away, those things might be…
1.The amassment of creepy, downy cat hair, sloughed from my roommate’s snarling calico cat and collecting beneath my bed. Why haven’t I cleaned under there? I’ll go with laziness.
2. A sailor Moon baby-t: a relic from my days as a 7th grader who wore anime t-shirts. It sits buried, cold and impossibly tiny, in the bottom shelf of my dresser. Until now. (Or, um, until soon. You know, when I get around to tossing it.)
3. Old sticker collection. Some that sparkle. Some puffy and full of some inexplicable color-changing liquid. Some that are large as small hands, some as small as large ants. Ah, yes. They really do run the gamut, these stickers. Which is why I’m going to burn them, funnel the ashes into a tiny paper boat, and set them to the sea! Where they can travel to new lands, conquer the indigenous peoples, and send me back their riches!! HA! Okay, that’s all ridiculous. And awful. I mean, I would never want a sticker collection of mine to bring any kind of harm to any kind of people, indigenous or no. I would just feel awful about that. Which is why I’ve changed my mind. I’ll keep the sticker collection, where it can do harm to no one. It’s the safest way.
What are you getting rid of this year for Spring cleaning?
Spring Cleaning Ninja!